WARNING : RULES TO ALL WOMEN

Fwded from alumni forums.. Thanks Lechek

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Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed on to wives, girlfriends, fiances, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. (to all women in general) These rules are to be communicated prior to the World Cup in June/July this year?????? FAILURE TO ADHERE TO THE RULES STIPULATED AS PER BELOW WILL RESULT IN SEVERE REPERCUSSIONS.

List Of Rules.

1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don??????t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor??????.it wont happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs of Coke in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 7am and 5pm, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day. This rule however is discretionary. (please refer to rule 2)

6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say ??????et over it, its only a game?????? or ??????on??????t worry, they??????ll win next time?????? If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called ??????ords of encouragement??????will only lead to a break up or divorce (not necessarily in that order).

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying ??????ne??????game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to ??????pend time together??????

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don??????t care if I have seen them or I haven??????t seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying ??????ut you have already seen this??????why don??????t you change the channel to something we can all watch???????? the reply will be: ??????efer to Rule #2 of this list??????

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as ??????hank God the World Cup is only every 4 years?????? I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, etc etc.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Regards,
Men of the World

What is the gender of Computers?

From school alumni’s website;

To men, computers must be female because:

No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review.

Native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible.

“Bad command or filename” about as informative as “If you don’t know why I’m mad at you, then I’m certainly not going to tell you.”

As soon as you commit to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

To women, computers must be male because:

Size does matter.

They’ll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.

They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.

In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves.

They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem

As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten better model.

It is always necessary to have a backup.